5 Quick Ways to Manage Intense Emotions

Big feelings are a part of life—not just for toddlers. It’s normal and natural to have strong reactions to life’s challenges.

Unfortunately, our culture often encourages suppressing these big emotions to keep functioning. This can lead to physical symptoms and a constant stress response in our bodies, making us really sick.

Here are some better ideas for managing those big emotions to help you feel physically and emotionally well.

Go With the Flow

The best way to handle a big feeling is to feel it. Allow it to flow through your body; relax and breathe into it. Express the emotion through crying, shaking, sobbing, yelling, or other ways. This can be done alone or with a safe person. (Try this meditation!)

Sometimes, it’s necessary to hold back emotions until you’re in a suitable space to express them. (See below for more ideas on that.)

Come Back to the Present

Grounding yourself in the present moment can help you calm down. Here are some examples:

• Cross your arms over your chest and alternate tapping on your shoulders to bring your brain back to the present and calm your nervous system.
• EFT tapping follows a specific sequence often paired with affirmations like “That was then and this is now.”
• Try the Square Breath: inhale for four counts, pause for four counts, exhale for four counts, and pause for four counts. Repeat until you feel better.
• Focus on breathing all the way in and all the way out. Repeat until calmer.
• Rub your hands together and stamp your feet on the ground.
• Look around the room, including above and behind you. Notice your physical environment.
• Count five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Identify all the blue things in the room, then all the red things, and continue through the colors until you feel calmer.
• Move around by shaking, jumping, walking, or dancing—movement helps bring you back to your body and reduce stress.
• Breathe deeply while sniffing a comforting smell like lavender or a favorite perfume.

Envision a Container

When calm and alone, imagine a container to store feelings you can’t handle right now. Visualize its color, shape, size, texture, and type of lid or lock.

Place anything overwhelming into this container, assuring yourself that these feelings are safe and sacred until you’re ready to handle them.

Listen to the Wisdom of Your Emotions

Emotions have a purpose and meaning:

• Anger: identifies unmet needs or crossed boundaries and seeks change.
• Sadness: processes loss and needs time, tenderness, gentleness, and safe people.
• Fear: identifies threats and seeks safety.
• Joy: wants to be shared and expressed.
• Disgust: identifies something toxic and seeks to remove it.
• Sexual desire: seeks closeness with someone or something.

Identify the emotion and where you feel it in your body. Notice the sensation and energy of the emotion. If it could speak, what would it say? Journal from the emotion’s perspective. If anger could speak without filters, what would it say?

Practice Calm

Regular calming practices make it easier for your nervous system to enter a calm state. Calmness is a habit that requires practice. Here are some ideas:

• Soothing movement practices like yoga, qigong, dance, and some martial arts help regulate breath and the nervous system. Attend classes at least once a week and enjoy the benefits of practicing with others.
• Include meditation and breathing exercises in your daily routine, even if it’s just while falling asleep. Guided meditations are excellent, especially if you’re new to meditation or feeling stressed.
• Make daily time to relax in stillness. Rest in comfortable positions (like Savasana or Legs Up The Wall) or take a 10-15 minute nap.
• Recognize and prioritize calming activities you already do, such as cooking, doing puzzles, or walking in nature.
• Spend more time with friends or family members who make you feel safe and calm, and try to reduce time with those who stress you out.