Boys Transition into Manhood | 11 Steps
Why should a young man heed the advice of an older individual on the optimal path to manhood? It stems from the reality that the typical teenager often struggles to envision a future beyond the immediate months. This isn’t a flaw in character, but rather a consequence of the fact that the adolescent brain has not yet fully matured. The prefrontal cortex (PFC), responsible for regulating mood, attention span, impulse control, and the ability to plan ahead and comprehend the consequences of actions, typically doesn’t reach full development until around the age of twenty-four. During this developmental gap, it falls upon adults to guide young individuals by presenting potential outcomes—both positive and negative—of their choices. Bearing this in mind, I offer a guide to navigating the journey toward manhood:
Discover your individual identity.
Unraveling the complexities of your identity—understanding your values, beliefs, and principles—is the paramount and challenging task in becoming a man. Society bombards us with directives on what to think, how to behave, and what to express, often emanating from parents, teachers, clergy, or peers. While it might be easier to conform, genuine self-discovery occurs when you forge your own path. The crucial aspect is to make decisions based on personal conviction, devoid of rebellion against authority figures, succumbing to peer pressure, or fearing the loss of someone’s approval. Choose your course out of a sincere understanding of who you are and aspire to become.
Advocate for yourself and your convictions.
The words of British statesman Edmund Burke resonate: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Embracing lofty ideals isn’t enough; at times, you must actively defend those beliefs. This becomes challenging when surrounded by friends whose opinions diverge from yours. Despite potential ridicule, stand firm. Challenge opinions contrary to your own, particularly when they perpetuate racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, or homophobia. Taking a stand against verbal bullies contributes to their eventual defeat, and more importantly, it fosters a sense of pride in your convictions. Failing to act in such moments may leave a lasting sense of regret
Steer clear of physical altercations whenever possible.
Engaging in a physical fight is nearly always a misguided choice. There’s a Chinese proverb that states, “The man who throws the first punch has lost the argument.” Essentially, this implies that when an argument escalates into a physical confrontation, it’s because the instigator realizes they lack the intelligence to prevail verbally and resorts to violence. Walk away, or even run away if necessary, even if you believe you could handle the situation physically. Fights can lead to unforeseen consequences, such as accidental falls resulting in head injuries, knocked-out teeth, or cracked facial bones. Later claims that “it was an accident” won’t undo the damage.
Engage in a team sport.
Participating in a team sport imparts invaluable lessons on interpersonal interaction, adapting to diverse personalities, collaborating as a cohesive unit, practicing generosity, and cultivating various character-building qualities. What’s especially appealing is that you need not necessarily join an organized team; you can simply head to the playground or an open gym to partake in spontaneous games of pick-up basketball or volleyball.
Select your friends for the right reasons.
While good friends can provide crucial support during the challenges of growing up, negative influences from bad friends can exacerbate those difficulties. Avoid befriending individuals solely to rebel against your parents or to project a false image of yourself. Engaging in such associations can lead to the squandering of your youth and the missed opportunity to form meaningful and genuine friendships.
Confront your fear of the unfamiliar.
True manhood involves personal growth, continuous learning, and a willingness to comprehend, rather than retreating under the comfort of familiar notions. Pay attention to advice. No matter the challenges or uncertainties you encounter, countless individuals preceding you have navigated similar experiences. Your father likely empathizes with your emotions because he has endured comparable pain and anxiety. Acknowledging advice doesn’t necessarily mean adopting it wholesale; you must discern which guidance aligns with your circumstances.
Stay politically informed.
A marked distinction between childhood and adulthood lies in an awareness of the community beyond your immediate social circle. Embracing manhood involves staying informed to assume an active and responsible role in society. Read newspapers, magazines, and watch the news. Engage in discussions with friends, respecting diverse opinions at all times.
Mind your manners.
Part of becoming a man is the realization that manners are not just about following rules but about showing respect and consideration for others. People appreciate the effort and respect shown to them. In turn, they will show you respect.
Be patient in love.
Avoid trying to change yourself into something you’re not just because you think that’s what others are looking for. The best way to understand what’s attractive to others is to get to know them, listen to them, and show genuine interest.
Stay fit.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle not only helps fight off diseases and aging but also ensures an active and fulfilling life for years to come.
